Shatnerquake by Jeff Burk Read Free Book Online Page A

dealer stood defiant on the other side.   His hands outstretched and shaking his head, trying to protect his goods.   Shatner stopped, surprised.   A red beam hit the dealer and he was gone.   Shatner dropped to his hands and knees and scurried under the table the get to the weapons.
                
    Kirk confidently walked to where he had lost Shatner.   He got to the aisle and saw no sign of him.   He crouched down and slowly walked forward, turning around with his phaser raised.   He came to the weapon stand that had set up make-shift plastic display walls.   Kirk paused and admired a Bushido sword.
               
    Shatner spun around from the corner of the display swinging the curved blade of a Klingon bat’leth.   Kirk had just enough time to raise his phaser in defense.   The bat’leth knocked the phaser out of his hand, and it went flying high in the air across the room.
               
    Shatner flipped the weapon around and hit Kirk in the gut with the hard wooden handle, sending him falling back.   He reached forward and grabbed Kirk’s shirt but the flimsy fabric tore away.   Kirk landed on his ass, his chest and girdle showing through the ripped uniform.  
               
    Seeing this, Stephen was finally shaken out of his terror-induced daze.   He saw Kirk fall and he turned and ran.
               
    Kirk saw him.   “That’s it Redshirt, flank him.”
               
    Shatner also picked this time to turn and start running.
               
    Kirk turned and grabbed the nearest object from a table, which happened to be a pewter replica of a Klingon Bird of Prey.   Kirk threw it at Shatner, aiming the model for his head.
               
    Shatner ducked just in time and the ship continued to fly.  
               
    Stephen turned his head to see if he really was going to escape.   The bulbous front of the ship bashed through his right eye and jammed back into his brain, killing him instantly.   His corpse toppled over a table and tossed its contents into the air.   His head came to rest on a rare hand-written script by Gene Roddenberry.   It was an unfilmed episode which featured a much-talked-about Spock/Kirk love scene.   The oozing blood from Stephen’s head forever ruined the rare work.   Some would later argue that this was the greatest loss of the day.
               
    Kirk saw this and from somewhere inside his head a voice said he’s dead Jim.
               
    Shatner turned to face Kirk and raised the bat’leth.   Kirk looked around and grabbed a black tube from another table.   A brave fanboy ran up and grabbed the object as well and the two wrestled over it.   The fanboy had two feet and a good two hundred pounds on Kirk.   Shatner smiled, he was finally getting some help.
               
    The fanboy tossed Kirk about, but Kirk refused to let go of the tube.   His thumb found a button on the side.   Instantly a red beam shot out into the fanboy’s stomach.   He let go.   Kirk raised the tube and the beam sliced neatly through the fanboy.   He fell to his knees as his copious intestines unraveled onto the floor.  
               
    Kirk turned around and marveled at the laser-sword as the fanboy tried to put his guts back in
               
    “Oh shit, Captain Kirk’s got a lightsaber ,” someone yelled.
     

 
     
     
     
    CHAPTER EIGHT
     
     
    Bruce was getting uneasy about Bruce and Bruce.   They were getting too close for the good of the mission.   Bruce was having a hard time dealing with all that had been happening and Bruce was too into her and playing the supportive role to see that she was not holding up.   Since the Shatners came into the picture, Bruce hadn’t stopped crying.
               
    The Shatners.
               
    Bruce didn’t like the Shatners.   They did not feel right to him.   It made him sick to look at