Shatnerquake by Jeff Burk Read Free Book Online Page B

them.  
               
    There were ten Shatners in their group.   Denny Crane seemed to be their leader.   Bruce had no idea who Denny Crane was but he claimed to be the greatest lawyer in history.   The other Shatners were much less talkative.   One, whose clothes and skin were colored like a black and white TV show, seemed to be in a constant state of nervous breakdown.   One wore an outfit that reminded Bruce of the outfits at a Renaissance Fair when he was a boy.   He walked with his arms limp at his side, his head hung low, and occasionally sighed.  
               
    Another of the Shatners danced in front of him and got down on his knees.   “This…is…our…destiny.”
               
    “Sorry about earlier.   You know, with the whole hitting you thing,” said Bruce.
               
    The Shatner ignored him and pranced away.  
               
    “What’s with him?” muttered Bruce.
               
    “Ignore him,” said Crane, “he just wants attention.”
     
    * * *
     
    Kirk moved toward Shatner twirling the lightsaber from side to side, the blade instantly devaluing collectibles and severing limbs.
               
    Shatner spun the bat’leth in front of him and stepped forward to meet his combatant.
               
    Kirk swung the lightsaber .
                
    Shatner moved to the side and hit Kirk in the back with the bat’leth’s dull side.  
               
    Kirk spun around and swiped widely through the air with his weapon.
               
    Shatner dropped to his knees, and the lightsaber went over his head.   He attacked again with the bat’leth.   This time the sharp side made contact and cut through Kirk’s uniform and girdle.   The blade slid into his side and black goo splashed out onto Shatner.
               
    Kirk stumbled back and held his wound.   He raised the lightsaber and went to make another attack.   But before he could, a twelve inch by twelve inch steel Borg ship replica came flying through the air and bounced off the side of his head.   Kirk crumbled straight to the floor.    
               
    Shatner turned and was horrified to see it was Bob who had saved his life.
               
    Bob rushed forward and grabbed Shatner’s arm.   “Come on, we got to go.”
               
    Shatner looked to the twitching Kirk and did not really see a better option.  
     
    * * *
     
    Kirk lay on the ground flashing in and out of consciousness, his legs jerking uncontrollably.   Then he went totally still.
               
    He suddenly sat up.   Something did not feel right in his head.   He balled his hands into fists and slammed them into his temples, again and again.
               
    He picked up the lightsaber and lurched to his feet.   A small crowd of onlookers had now gathered around Kirk.   He took two groggy steps forward and then flicked on the lightsaber .   When the beam shot out the crowd jumped back.
               
    Kirk smiled and started swinging
               
    There definitely was something wrong with Captain Kirk’s head.

 
     
    CHAPTER NINE
     
     
    Shatner and Bob raced through the hallways.   The convention was now in a total state of mass panic.   News of the death and destruction had filtered its way to all the attendees.  
               
    “Where…are we going?” asked Shatner as they rushed through another doorway and pushed passed frightened convention goers.
               
    “I don’t know,” said Bob, “anywhere away from Kirk.”
               
    They ran on and then Bob stopped.
               
    “In here,” he said as he threw open one of the many nondescript doors that lined the hallway.   Shatner ran into the room as Bob looked back to see if Kirk was coming.   Luckily for them, he was nowhere in sight.   Then Bob ran through the