Shatnerquake by Jeff Burk Read Free Book Online

said Shatner, “get…a hold of…yourself.”
               
    Suddenly a hand grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around.   It was a man holding a walkie-talkie and wearing a “Staff” t-shirt.
               
    “Shit man, where the hell have you been?” asked the man.   He raised the walkie-talkie.   “Hey, I found Shatner.   We’re in the Dealer’s Room, south side.”
               
    “Oh, I’ve…been about,” replied Shatner, “where are the…other guest tables?”
               
    “What other guests?” asked the man.  
               
    “I…can’t be…the only guest.”
               
    “It’s called ShatnerCon, who else would be invited?”
               
    “I…don’t know…any of the hundreds of people I’ve worked with!”
               
    “ Whatever, take it up with Natalie.   Not my problem.”
               
    Shatner’s heart sank.   He looked to Bob who was surveying the crowd for any sign of a threat.
               
    I’m the only one here.   I’m all alone.
     
    * * *
     
    Kirk ran back and forth from table to table.   Stephen slowly walked, barely keeping pace and looking for some method of escape.  
               
    Kirk was suddenly right in front of him, leaning in too close.
               
    “How…do…they…know of me,” said Kirk with his hands raised in loose fists, “and the history of Starfleet?”
               
    Kirk went to a table and held up a Kirk doll.    “They have…toys of me.”
               
    He squeezed the doll and it said, “Conquest is easy…control is not.”
               
    “Hey man,” said the balding dealer from behind the table, “you want to play with that, you’ve got to pay for that.”
               
    Kirk set the doll back down and went to Stephen’s side.   “This…is a…strange place we find ourselves in…be on guard.”
               
    Then Kirk heard a voice that he had never heard before and yet instantly recognized, “I don’t know…any of the hundreds of people I’ve worked with!”
               
    Kirk took out his phaser and raised the weapon.   “Be on guard.”
               
    Stephen pissed his pants.
     
    * * *
     
    Shatner shook his head and paced back and forth.   Bob was trying to convince the staff member of the severity of the situation but he just ignored him and talked on the walkie-talkie.
               
    I’m doomed.   Fucked you could even say.
                
    Suddenly, Bob grabbed Shatner and roughly pulled him back.   The red beam narrowly missed him and instead hit the staff member, instantly vaporizing him and sending screaming people fleeing for cover.   
               
    Shatner and Bob dropped to the ground.   Shatner rolled beneath the closest table and crouched up while Bob crawled on all fours to the adjacent row of tables.   He slowly raised his head to get a look at his new attacker.
               
    You’ve got to be shitting me.
               
    Kirk came running around the row of tables and stood where Shatner had just been.   He looked around puzzled.   Shatner crouched beneath the table and braced both his hands under it.   He stood up and heaved, throwing the table and its assortment of Shakespeare plays translated into Klingon at Kirk.
               
    Kirk turned around just in time to not be caught totally off-guard.   He braced himself and the table knocked him to his knees.
               
    Shatner turned and quickly scanned the room.   Three rows over he saw the glinting steel of a weapon’s table.
               
    Bingo.
               
    He threw himself over the first row of tables, knocking over a poster board display of NASA cover-ups.  
               
    Shatner came to the next row and the