The Language Inside by Holly Thompson Read Free Book Online

high

     
    but Zena is waiting
    so I mess with my words
    and at the top of my paper
    draw a furry bamboo shoot
                             just coming up
    through leafy soil
    I show her the drawing of the shoot
    and the hoelike tool for harvesting
    and read my poem:
         Breasts
        
we never asked for them
        
they just sprout like bamboo shoots
        
then someone comes along
        
with a tool
        
to harvest them

     
    I glance at Zena
    and my eyes tear
    and I apologize
    for writing such
    a depressing poem
    Zena looks up
    then at the letter board
    and she spells
    i-t w-i-l-l b o-k
    s-u-r-g-e-o-n-s h-a-v-e b-e-t-t-e-r t-o-o-l-s
    t-h-a-n t-h-a-t
    and I smile a little
    and nod

     
    I see it’s nearly five
    so I tell Zena I have to go
    even though this isn’t a very
    cheery way to end our session
    Zena doesn’t look up
    I raise the letter board
    and Zena spells
    s-o-o-n n-e-w c-o-m-p-u-t-e-r
    new computer? for you?
    how?
I say
where’d the funding come from?
    p-r-i-v-a-t-e d-o-n-a-t-i-o-n-s
she spells
    wow!
I say
    your angels!
    Zena spells
    w-r-i-t-e m-o-r . . . 
    more poems?
    she looks up
    and I tell her
    okay, you, too
    and I turn to leave

     
    but as I step out
    a woman is coming in
    oh, you must be the new poet!
    I’m Emma
I say
    nice to meet you, Emma
    I’m Anne, Zena’s sister
    usually here on Thursdays or Sundays
    but this week is complicated
    and Anne looks younger
    all gesture and movement
    like Zena is supposed to be
    and suddenly I’m acutely aware
    of all that Zena’s lost
    but then I’m glad for her
    that she has this
                   a visiting sister

     

when I find room 427
    and pause at the doorway
    Sam is still writing for Leap Sok
    I listen at the threshold
    to their lilting Khmer words
    glance around the room
    note the bright painting
    of what I think is Angkor Wat

     
    when I take a step forward
    inside the room
    Chea Pen squints at me
    not quite seeing, it seems
    Leap Sok stops talking
    feebly waves me in
    with what I realize is his only arm
    I apologize for interrupting
    and without thinking
    greet them both by bowing
    respectful Japanese-style
    they all three look at me
    amused

     
    Sam says some words in Khmer, then says
    you were born in Japan?
    and I say
no, but lived there
    since I was a baby
    Chea Pen and Leap Sok look to Sam
    Sam says something to them in Khmer
    and they both start to speak
    Sam says
    they want to know why—
    are you a diplomat’s kid?
    army kid?
    no, my dad works for a Japanese company
I say
    my mom teaches at a university
    they met in Japan when they were college students
    studying the language

     
    Sam translates
    there’s some back-and-forth
    then Sam says
    they want to know about now—
    the earthquake, the tsunami
    did you come back because of radiation?
    I already told them about your mother
    and I’m surprised to know Sam knows about my mother
    but then I remember he sat in YiaYia’s living room
    and he probably learned all sorts of things
    from her
    about us
    about me

     
    I say
no, we didn’t come because of radiation
    our town is far from the damaged reactor
    if my mother wasn’t sick we’d be there
    and I add
    Japan’s my home
    I tell them that our furniture, our things
    are still there in the house
    my cat is still there with my friend
    our home is still there
    just not us
    we’ll go back
I say
    when my mother is better
    Sam glances down
    nods

     
    then Sam gathers his things
    sets the chair against the wall
    has some conversation in Khmer
    and places his hands together raising them
    with a slight bow, muttering something
    and adding in English
    see you next week
    what’s that?
I say in the hall
    when you put your hands together
    this?
he says
                   and raises his hands
                   palms