The Last Straw by Jeff Kinney Read Free Book Online

her sweater to tie around my waist.
    I don't know which was worse: wearing dress pants with chocolate all over them or wearing Mom's pink Easter sweater like a kilt.
    [Image: The family walks into the house.]
    Church was pretty full. The only seats that were empty were right up front where Uncle Joe and his family were sitting, so we sat next to them.
    I looked around, and I spotted Holly Hills and her family three rows back. I was pretty sure she couldn't see what I was wearing from the waist down, so that was a relief.
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    As soon as the music started up, Uncle Joe reached out to hold hands with me and his wife, and he started singing.
    [Image: People standing in rows and singing.]
    I tried to break free a couple of times, but Uncle Joe had an iron grip. The song was only like a minute long, but to me it felt like half an hour.
    After the song was over, I turned to the people behind us, pointed at Uncle Joe, and made the "cuckoo" sign so everone knew I wasn't on board with this holding-hands thing.
    [Image: A boy is twisting his ear.] The caption reads: "TWIRL"
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    Somewhere in the middle of church, they passed a basket around so people could give money to help the needy.
    I didn't have any money of my own, so I whispered to Mom to see if she would give me a dollar. Then, when the basket came to me, I made a big deal of putting the dollar in the basket to make sure Holly could see how generous I was.
    [Image: The boy is putting the money in the basket for donations in the church.]
    But when I put the money in the basket, I realized Mom had given me a TWENTY, not a single. I tried to grab the basket to make change, but it was too late.
    All I can say is, I better get some points in Heaven for THAT donation.
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    I've heard that when you do good deeds, you're supposed to be all private about it, but that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to ME.
    If I start hiding my good deeds, I'm sure I'll just regret it later on.
    [Image: A little boy talking to the man on the seat.] The caption reads: "BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT SQUIRREL I HELPED WITH THE BROKEN LEG?
    SORRY... I MUST'VE MISSED THAT."
    Like I said before, the Easter service is SUPER long. One of the songs was going on for about five minutes, and I started looking for ways to entertain myself.
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    The way that Rodrick keeps himself busy when he's bored is by picking at this scab on the back of his hand that he never lets heal, but I'm not really interested in going that route.
    Manny has it MADE in church. Mom and Dad let him bring all sorts of stuff with us to keep him entertained. Believe me, Mom and Dad never let me bring anything to church when I was his age.
    [Image: A couple and their son.]
    Mom and Dad ALWAYS baby Manny, though, and I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about. Last week Manny was at preschool, and when he opened up his lunchbox his sandwich was cut in HALF, not in QUARTERS, the way he likes it.
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    Manny threw a huge temper tantrum, and the teachers had to call Mom. So she left work and drove all the way down to Manny's school to make the extra slice.
    [Image: A lady giving a slice to the small boy at his school.] The caption reads: "THERE YOU GO, SWEETIE!
    SNIFF"
    Anyway, I was thinking about this at church, and all of a sudden I got an idea in my head. I leaned over to Manny and whispered-
    [Image: A boy talking to the small one ] The caption reads: "PLOOPY!"
    Well, Manny completely LOST it.
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    He started BAWLING, and everyone in the church turned their heads our way. Even the minister stopped talking to see what was going on.
    Mom couldn't calm Manny down, so we had to leave. Instead of walking out the side door, though, we walked right down the center aisle.
    I tried to look as cool as possible when we walked past the Hills family, but it was pretty tough, considering the circumstances.
    [Image: Two men staring at the family walking past.]
    The only person more embarrassed than me was Dad. Dad tried to cover his face with the