The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups by Harry Fisch, Karen Moline Read Free Book Online Page B

longer and to help women who had trouble becoming stimulated to do so more quickly.
    The gel’s active ingredients are niacin, arginine (an amino acid), ginseng, and vitamin E. The gel absorbs extremely quickly, reducing the time needed to apply it and wait for it to start working. For men, the ingredients in the gel work by lessening friction during sex. For women, they work synergistically to warm the area, which keeps it moist and speeds up blood flow. Hopefully, products like this can help men and women achieve the satisfying sex they deserve.
Too Late: Inability to Orgasm
    As you read earlier, premature ejaculation is often caused by chronic masturbation. In this section I’ll discuss a related problem: a man’s inability to ejaculate at all when he’s having sex with his partner because of masturbation.
    Susanna and her boyfriend, Brendan, have been in a relationship for nearly two years. In that time, he has been able to ejaculate only three times. He has been able to have an erection and get close to ejaculating, but then it won’t happen unless he masturbates. Susanna is worried he may have a serious problem and has no idea what she can do to help.
    “Susanna, I really hope you’re not blaming yourself for this, because this is not your issue,” I told her when she and Brendan showed up in my office. “Brendan is doing something that’s unbelievably common.”
    I turned to Brendan. “I’ll bet you have no trouble having an orgasm when you masturbate, right?”
    “Right,” he said.
    “I’m glad,” I said, “because it means there’s no medical reason that might impede your ability to ejaculate, and you won’t need any testing or have to worry about something being really wrong. What you have is called ‘retarded ejaculation.’ You’ve gotten so good at masturbating that your body has forgotten how to derive pleasure directly from you having sex with your partner. You can only achieve orgasm by using your own hand.”
    Brendan looked a little sheepish, so I quickly added, “I always say that masturbation isn’t a problem unless it’s hurting the relationship. In this case, though, that’s what’s going on. When men masturbate constantly, they develop what’s called ‘idiosyncraticmasturbation,’ where they’re only able to achieve orgasm when they touch themselves in a very specific way. So you both can have some fun and start experimenting.”
    Susanna and Brendan looked at each other and smiled.
    “First, Brendan needs to show you exactly how he masturbates to orgasm during foreplay,” I said to Susanna. “That will give you an idea of the kind of stimulation he’s used to. You may be able to mimic those rhythms or patterns during lovemaking, or by doing something similar with your hands to get him going.
    “You can suggest that he tone down the masturbation and do it a lot less frequently. He can also change the way he masturbates and vary his technique. For example, if he always does it in the shower, stop using that location. If he only uses his right hand, try it with his left. If he doesn’t ejaculate for a few days, he will become much more sensitive to stimulation. This should, by itself, raise the probability that he’ll have an orgasm during lovemaking.
    “Brendan, if you’re comfortable with this approach, and you’re both relaxed enough to try different things, I think you’ll soon find that your sex life will improve tremendously.”
    Happily, Brendan called about a month later to tell me that he was having so much fun in bed with Susanna that he’d kicked his masturbation habit. I’d given them a lot of ideas about switching things up, and they tried all of them.
    So if this is a problem for your partner, show him this section and use it to start a conversation. Or drop my suggestions into a conversation with your partner. You can say something like, “I’d love to have a ‘naughty’ weekend with you, so if you keep your hands off for a few days before