me? Not really. My sister’s husband is five years older and although he is slowing down faster than she is it’s not a big deal. Joe is ten years older, but he’s in decent shape from the jogging, and he must eat okay. He’s tanned, but for someone who lives on a barrier island he doesn’t look like leather. So he must look after himself that way too.
He’s meticulous in preparing coffee. Is he meticulous about other things? I don’t know. Would that be an issue? He runs at the same time every day, except on Fridays, when he does something different. Is this an issue? Is he too much a creature of habit?
I have my habits. I know that. If they weren’t such productive habits they might be called something else, like obsessive compulsions. But they are productive, and directed at worthwhile things. My sister the cancer researcher is the same way. No-one is more obsessive compulsive than she is. But since its cancer research it’s not OCD, it’s dedication. Me too, because it’s geology and oil and gas exploration it’s dedication and purpose, not OCD.
What’s my honesty here? I went out on the beach hoping to meet him and now I’ve met him. He isn’t repulsive. And despite what I told my sister he is handsome. Not movie star gorgeous, but who is in real life anyway? Well those actors that use the green roofed house are, but they’re movie stars. Okay, television stars.
So I’ve met him, and had coffee, twice, and gone on a slow jog. I wouldn’t be able to jog with him very often. He’s too slow. And I know he can’t go much faster because of his knees. Would he walk with me? Instead of jogging. Would he walk on the Atlantic beach with me and sip coffee and not talk over the waves and the morning sun? Would he paddle with me on the little inland canals where the egrets and osprey live? Could he paddle and be quiet and take photographs? Maybe that’s my honesty. Maybe my honesty is that I want to find out these things.
And there is the real truth. I am interested in him. Interested in a man in a way I haven’t been in so very long. Maybe never. Yes I was married, but I’m not sure I was ever interested in my husband that much. Our marriage just kind of happened. He was on the same research project with me that whole summer, and then got a post doc at Ohio State where I was teaching. One thing lead to another and then we were married. But I don’t think I was ever as interested in my husband as I am in Joe.
Joe. It’s such a plain name. Is it short for Joseph? Joseph and Shannon? People will make a joke about that….
Joe
So she’s going to bring her sister tomorrow morning. Is her sister older or younger? Is her sister going to be sizing me up the whole time? Are they going to turn out to be princesses who won’t like the work? I guess that’ll be interesting for me to find out.
I think she likes me. But I don’t think she likes me a lot yet. She is almost aloof. But she did smile at me during our run. She smiled at me a couple of times. She seemed happier when she was running.
She is at home on the beach, is nearly a part of it. Her stride and breathing seem to ebb and flow with the waves as they come ashore. She belongs on the beach. That’s plain to see. We have that in common. I don’t just love the beach in general, I love North Topsail beach in particular. I don’t think I would have to explain that love to her. I think she would just get it. What else will she just get?
Will she get that I used to be a fundamental Christian? But that I ‘reformed’ after Colleen, and after Caitlin? Will she get what that was like for me? Will she get that I don’t want another marriage? Or another family?
Why am I even thinking about marriage and family? We have had two cups of coffee and a jog, and those horrible berries. At least I won’t have to eat any more of those berries. I’m glad she busted me on that. She made it clear she wants honesty. That’s fine with me, excellent with me.
Learning to Kill: Stories