'Till Death Do Us Part: Love, Marriage, and the Mind of the Killer Spouse by Robi Ludwig, Matt Birkbeck Read Free Book Online

of physical abuse, though she does appear to have been emotionally neglected. The marriage was not about her needs, unless her needs happened to be met while his were being considered and pursued. Although Betty didn’t know it, she could have a place in Dan’s life only as long as she helped him get where he wanted to go. That’s probably why he agreed to marry her in the first place. On some level he sensed he could do what he wanted and she would be okay with that while providing him with a big family, another sign of his success.
    What Dan was not prepared for was a woman who may have appeared whole on the outside, but emotionally was more like a half a person. Without Dan in her life, Betty could not exist, feel lovable or even effectively okay in the world.
    When we think about unrequited love, we don’t tend to think of it within the context of a marital union. Once someone marries, we assume that there is some degree of reciprocity in the relationship. After Dan Broderick committed the ultimate betrayal and traded in his older wife for a new and improved model, a.k.a. the trophy wife, Betty turned into a stalker. A stalker is someone who continues a relationship when the other person is not at all interested in it. The pursuer often presses his or her need for more connection and intimacy while the object of the pursuit wants and desires more freedom and autonomy. The person engaged in this type of stalking behavior is often fixated, persistent as well as morbidly preoccupied. There is an obsessional nature to their behavior. When women stalk, they tend to do so in an attempt to achieve intimacy. Betty Broderick became an obsessional estranged lover, which makes up the largest category of pursuers/stalkers.
    This category tends to consist of people who just cannot let go of the romantic relationship. Their entire sense of self-worth is caught up in the need for the other’s love. Any evidence to the contrary is seen as an inconvenience to overcome. Through merging with the other person they view themselves as having a higher status in life, that is, “If somebody loves me, then I’m not so bad.” The stalker’s theme lyric could be “You’re no one ’till someone loves you!” The most common motivator for the pursuit is a strong desire for reconciliation. When attempts to reconnect with a former lover become obsessive, the pursuer is usually labeled as love addicted.
    While erotomaniacs (erotically obsessed people) are said to be more psychotic, believing they have a connection to the person that they are stalking when in reality they don’t, estranged lovers are thought to be more psychopathic or personality disordered.
    Betty’s condition best fits into the diagnostic category of borderline personality disorder. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, this is a “serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image and behavior. This instability often disrupts work and family life.”
    This diagnosis tends to affect 2–3 percent of the general population and is three times more likely to be found in women than in men. People with this diagnosis tend to become seriously self-destructive and ill in reaction to fears of abandonment. When frustrated they show rage and can become extremely devaluing. People diagnosed with this disorder tend to come from dysfunctional families, with erratic and often depressed mothers and fathers who are absent and/or have major character problems.
    It’s clear that on some level Dan sensed Betty’s disturbance. It’s also clear that at one point Betty fueled Dan’s dependency needs, but later he felt smothered by her and overwhelmed by the feeling that something was lacking. Their breakup was actually years in the making, with Dan justifying, in his mind, reasons for staying with Betty: It would kill her if he left; It’s not really that bad; It’s going to change; It’ll get better; fear of