Twitterature by Alexander Aciman Read Free Book Online Page A

going to finish his book?? A lot of weird people on death row.
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    Out of appeals. Hurry up with that book! Dear Truman Capote, itʼs really not fair, everyone here has a social disease!
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    Ah well - too late! Sorry to everybody, I guess. Honestly, I canʼt decide much of anything for myself. Maybe that was my problem?
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    @ClutteredReporting
    Famous! Book a big hit with everyone except all those involved. End is a bit gruesome though, maybe add a sentimental scene at a graveyard.
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    A shame this book has lost me all of my friends. If only I was less obsessed with work I wouldnʼt be so alone, so terribly fat and alone.
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    Made some new friends. Answer to my prayers. I had to promise Iʼd never write about them. I can live with that.

Medea
    by Euripides
    @GoldenFarce
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    Finally moved into the new place. Jason can find a respectable job, Iʼll stay home and raise the kids. Life is finally looking up!
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    Seems Ê»respectable jobʼ means screwing the kingʼs daughter. Not cool. Need to consult my girlfriends.
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    Good, the gals stand outside my house all the time. The constant chanting is creepy, but all agree: Jason crossing the line!
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    When he gets home weʼll talk. Iʼm sure we can work it out. But whatʼs the best way to approach this? Any advice, anyone? #wackrelationships
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    He says he Ê»has toʼ marry her because weʼre Ê»wanted criminalsʼ and we need Ê»protectionʼ. Yelled at him. Lots. He doesnʼt listen!
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    Checked Kosmo, but all hot Spartan sex tips, no advice for what to do when refugee husband marries another woman because he loves you .
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    I feel a bit of the LOCO coming on! Mood swings and witchcraft: two things every femme fatale needs.
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    D Jason: Hey baby, come home. I made a gift for your wedding. I ainʼt mad anymore baby, I promise.
    LOL, he totally bought it. Yeah, itʼs a nice dress - with POISON. Isnʼt that funny? My girlfriends donʼt think so. Theyʼre weirded out.
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    D KingOfAthens: Can I crash at your place? Please? Promise, or Iʼll kill you with my magic just like I killed the king of Corinth.
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    Canʼt. Stand. The. Chanting. Why do I always get the chorus of criticism?! Some friends!!
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    Uh-oh. Jason is home and heʼs pissed.
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    Ran inside with a sword before Jason could stop me. Didnʼt want the kids to hear us arguing, so I took them to a better place - the freezer.
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    Jason very unhappy I murdered the children. Told him to go bury HIS WIFE! I thought it was a great comeback but it didnʼt help.
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    Dad sent me some dragons. Iʼm gone. Jason can deal with his own shit. Iʼm off to Athens. Maybe THEY can handle an independent woman!
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    I swear Iʼm not crazy, Iʼm just passionate. I just want respect. I just want to be loved . . .

Nineteen Eighty-Four
    by George Orwell
    @Ratatouille
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    London is a totally ridiculous place these days. (I actually mean ridiculous in a totalitarian way. Best keep this to myself.)
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    Whatʼs with slogans like Ê»War Is Peaceʼ? Do only I see they make no sense? Seems someone in government is on a very big opposites kick.
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    I found a little journal and a tiny place in my room where Big Brother ISNʼT watching. Now I can record my dissident thoughts/jerk it.
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    Look, brother, if I wanted to be WATCHED doing my dirty business, Iʼd make a sex tape. Oh? You already have it?
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    God I hate rats. Itʼs important that you know how much I hate rats, because I really, really hate rats.
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    At work; dullsville. How can rewriting history be fun if youʼre betraying the timeless ideal of truth? Letʼs see: Truth Is Lies?
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    Disregard last tweet. Need to keep those bad thoughts out of my head, otherwise Iʼll have to make a trip to the Ministry of Love.
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    P.S. By Ê»Loveʼ they mean imprisonment, execution, and unspeakable torture. In that