Uncle John's Presents Book of the Dumb 2 by John Michael Scalzi Read Free Book Online

youngest was nowhere to be found. Naturally, Ann was concerned (well, frantic, actually) and called the police.
    Thereupon commenced an admirable flurry of activity from the local constabulary and the neighborhood residents. They even called in a helicopter to hover over the area and to broadcast a description of the little girl. For three hours police and neighbors searched to no avail. And then, someone had the bright idea to look behind Ann’s couch. There was the sleeping three-year-old wrapped in a blanket. What was the kid doing, sleeping behind a couch? Well, you know kids. They’re always doing something weird. And apparently the kid was adeep sleeper: “My house was swarming with police and [she] didn’t wake up once,” Ann told reporters.
    Total cost of the search-and-rescue? About $50,000. “I was so relieved she was safe and well but did feel bad about that,” Ann said, of the cost of the baby-finding mission. Let’s hope they don’t send her the bill, or that three-year-old might be out of a college education.
    Source: Scotsman.com , The Sun (UK), Morecambe Today (UK)

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But You Can Get the Lithograph for Just $25K!
    I f you’ve ever put a preschool picture by one of your kids on the fridge, you know while you might believe the picture is priceless, a genuine art appraiser might—and no offense to your kid—beg to disagree (unless by “priceless,” you meant to imply “worthless”). With that in mind, come along down under, to Australia, and to an “art auction” at the ritzy St. Catherine’s school, in Toorak, Melbourne.
    The “artwork” in question: a large, colorful painting done by members of the preschool class at St. Catherine’s—lots of animals and people in typically preschool representations. It wasn’t a Picasso, in other words (unless Pablo was having a terrible day). But millionaire John Ilhan’s young daughter wanted it, or so he said in an interview with the Herald Sun newspaper, so he made an offer for it.
    And that’s when another parent stepped in and (as Ilhan tells it) informed him that she had deeper pockets than he. And then to prove it, she raised the bid on the painting. Well, apparently Ilhan was not the sort of man who made millions—even in Australian dollars—by turning down a challenge. So he and the woman promptly started a bidding war until finally Ilhan decided that thing had “got seriously out of hand.”
    The final bid? It was $75,000 in Australian dollars (about $53,000 U.S.), and Ilhan’s nemesis got the painting. That chunk of change would be enough to buy art from actual Australian artists—famous and good ones, even. But youknow how excited people get when they have more competitive spirit (and money) than sense.
    Interestingly, the bidding war actually seems to have been more about the getting than the having, since the winning bidder eventually returned the artwork to the school. It seems unlikely that the artwork would ever sell for that much again. But then again, maybe it will. Now it’s famous, and there are always collectors who are willing to one-up someone else. Let’s hope the fame doesn’t go to the young artists’ heads. In the meantime, maybe you’ll want to get that refrigerator art appraised after all.
    Source: Herald Sun (Australia)

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long-term storage?
    T here are many different types of burial practices in the world, performed by all the various cultures that exist on this globe of ours. There are mausoleums, graves, cremations, funeral pyres, burials at sea, and even the option of leaving your body to science so medical students can get more familiar with your internal organs than you ever were. All of them are beautiful in their own way, except maybe that one with the medical students, but even that has some instructional value. But as far as we know, no culture advises sticking your father’s