When It All Falls Apart (Book One) by Lucinda Berry Read Free Book Online

things get intense with David. I don’t know how to handle this new side of him. I keep telling myself I’ll get used to it, but it’s been four years and I’m not any more used to it now than I was.”
    I hadn’t expected David to become so paranoid and hyper vigilant when he became a dad. I figured he would be the most laidback father there was because he was the most relaxed person I’d ever met. I was the worrier and the obsessive one—the one who got frustrated when things didn’t go according to my plans or who willfully exerted my will to make things happen the way I wanted them to. I was the person who couldn’t sleep because I was too worked up about something or who got so anxious I got stomach aches and migraines. It had never been him. He’d always been the voice of reason and calm.
    He started to change shortly after we’d found out I was pregnant. He was obsessed with me taking my vitamins, getting enough rest, and not working so hard. He barraged me with questions about how I was feeling all the time, calling multiple times a day while I was at work. At first, I thought it was because he was nervous given my other miscarriages, but his hovering continued into the second and third trimester after the threat of miscarrying dropped dramatically. He read all the parenting and birthing books he could get his hands on. He was more scared of giving birth than I was. I thought his worrying was cute and figured once the baby was born, he would relax and return to his usual self.
    Instead, he became just as hovering over Rori as he had been of me in my pregnancy. He jumped every time she cried. At night when she would wake up, he would leap out of bed and be leaning over her crib, pulling her into his arms before my feet had hit the floor. It was as if her crying physically hurt him. His face would become just as contorted with emotion as hers. When I listened to my friends talk about how completely inept their husbands were at caring for their babies, I knew I should feel lucky and fortunate to have him be so wonderful with Rori. But all I could think of when I heard them complain about how their husbands didn’t know how to hold the baby right, change the diaper quickly, or put the baby to sleep was how much I longed for the attention he used to give me.
    I quickly tired of my conversation with Robin. I had called her for a distraction, not a reality check. She was probably texting David while we talked asking him how he was holding up. They were closer than they’d ever been since they spent so much time together. It had been weird at first that he spent more time with my best friend than I did, but I’d gotten used to it.
    “Will you let me know as soon as you find out anything?” she asked.
    “Of course. I’ll let you know as soon as I know anything.”
    “If I can do anything for you guys, bring you coffee, just call me.”
    “I will. Thanks. Bye.”
    I clicked End and set my phone down on the seat next to me and felt the familiar wave of loneliness wash over me. I missed David and the person he used to be. I hadn’t been prepared for our role reversal and didn’t like it. We’d always had neatly defined roles that allowed our relationship to run smoothly, but I didn’t know how to act in my new role. I wanted the old David back—the guy who didn’t get upset about everything and blow insignificant moments into crises.
    The worst part of our role reversal was that I couldn’t do for him what he’d always been able to do for me despite my best efforts. I attempted to make him laugh about taking himself so seriously but it only angered him or even worse—disappointed him. I tried to get him to relax using the same tactics and techniques he’d used with me to make me feel better like reminding me to breathe and rubbing my back in circles. None of it worked or made a difference. He rolled his eyes at me when I reminded him to breathe and swatted my hands away like I was an annoying bug when