Emily's Reasons Why Not by Carrie Gerlach Read Free Book Online

Madonna have the same teeth. My smile is more Meg Ryan with a hint of Patricia Arquette. Ducky with eyeteeth. It’s cute, but by no means perfect. Now, at this moment, I wouldn’t trade it for all of the white caps in the world.
    Postdinner: He walked me to the door and met Sam. Sam just stood in the doorway unsure of what to do. Sam is usually a pretty good indicator of people. He either completely snubs strangers he doesn’t like or if he likes you, you get the howl followed by rubbing between your legs in a silent plea for head scratches. Sam just stood there looking at him and then sat down in the doorway as if saying, The jury is still out.
    I watch my dog and make a decision.
    I want to let David in. I sooooo want to kiss him all night, have him on the floor, couch, bed, and kitchen table. But I am a woman trying to prove that I am not an easy corporate retreat hooker, that I am strong, with good moral fiber, that I will make a great vice president of PR, a good power girlfriend … not a one-nighter.
    But then, here he was, and what if he never came back? What if he drives away in his Mercedes and crashes on the Pacific Coast Highway and I never get one last chance to lie in his arms? Death versus the ability to remain strong and hold onto my morality.
    I am not sure who decided a woman’s sexuality is the determining factor of our morality, but that MAN should be shot. Because I am a completely moral woman, but I like sex. Yet I will deny myself in order to prove that I am a nice girl. UGGH!
    As much as I wanted it, I knew he had to go.
    I sent him home, and of course my trickery theory of playing the coy and nonhorny, hard-to-get-girl worked. He called from his car on his way home … and again in the morning, just to wish me a good day.
    It left me wondering, why is it that no sex equals calls? To me that is completely backward and irrational. If we give ourselves completely and get naked, revealing all possible body flaws, and release our pheromone of love, what happens? They don’t call. If we send them packing without a hint of wanting, they in turn pay attention to us? So to understand the male perspective I must reevaluate all logical femalethinking and reverse it. Completely turn the rational perspective inside out. Then possibly I might be in sync with men.
    Week three … Lying on David’s office floor after hours of listening to Madonna’s Bedtime Stories , one of the all-time best makeout CDs.
    “I may need some help with the press,” David whispers between kisses.
    “Of course. Anything I can do.” I love that he needs me.
    “But I don’t want you to tell anybody. No one. Not Josh or Avery. This is something that I need to do under the radar of our corporate communications policy. Things are getting a little rough for me, as I am new, and now there’s the merger, and well, frankly, I am not getting the recognition that I need to keep growing both here and in the industry. As you and I both know, perception and spin are everything.” He adds, “I figure if I can’t trust my girlfriend, who can I trust?”
    I say to Dr. D., “Reason number four …”
    Reason #4: If helping your boyfriend makes you lie to your friends, boss, and mentor, don’t help him .
    “You’re spot on,” Dr. D. replies. “He used the girlfriend word in the same sentence that he asked you to be deceptive to your boss. Subtle manipulation of your emotion to evoke action.”
    “I know. He said girlfriend, and it was all I heard. I was a girlfriend. And he needed me. It was nice to be needed.”
    Dr. D. looks me in the eye over the rim of his glasses.
    “Why is it that that you equate needing you to liking you?”
    I look down, pondering Dr. D.’s question. “Because if he needs me, he can’t leave me. I know I should let this misconception go, yet I can’t explain the sort of security I feel when I’m needed. It’s an issue.”
    He writes as I continue the recollection of David.
    Now for the downside to