My Big Bottom Blessing by Teasi Cannon Read Free Book Online

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    SISTER-IN-CHRIST #1 : Oh, my, Gloria. You look amazing! How much weight have you lost? Hey, why don't you sit by me?
    SISTER-IN-CHRIST #2 : Yeah, Jan, I've found that when I pray over my pantry, I simply lose the desire to overeat. It's that simple. Praise God!
    SISTER-IN-CHRIST #3 : And, don't forget…our bodies are the temple of the Living God, and God don't want no rundown temple now, right?
    I cringe to think of the countless hurting people who sat all around me, many I might have been able to encourage with a simple hello. But because of my preoccupation with the condition of “my temple,” those opportunities passed by completely ignored.
BATTLEFIELD: BATHROOM
    I'm sure you know personally how difficult the battle can be in the bathroom. There my biggest enemies converged upon me as a team. Reflection and Trainer spent much of their free time sitting on my vanity, where they kept good company with another character—one who wielded immense power over me: the Scale God. First thing every day, I would pay homage to this powerful being through my morning ritual: pee out every drop of liquid I could possibly squeeze from my body, clip my nails, blow my nose, take off all my clothing and jewelry, exhale, and stand before him.
    SCALE GOD : You may approach.
    FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN : Thank you, your majesty.
    SCALE GOD : What are you here for today?
    FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN : I would like to find out my worth, your majesty.
    SCALE GOD : All right then, you may step up.
    FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN : Thank you, sir. ( Holds breath, sucks in stomach, and steps up as lightly as possible. )
    SCALE GOD : I'm afraid you aren't worth anything today. You are up two pounds from yesterday. You may step down. Be gone with you.
    I lived for the days when Scale God would tell me I had value. Those were the days when the numbers were down a bit. Trainer would lighten up on me, and my entire outlook on life would change. So would my attitude toward my family and friends. I had a bigger smile for the kids (Bill and I had another two by this time) and a friendlier tone for my husband. Birds and deer would gather around my house in song. Those days were few and far between.
    Not seeing the insanity of it all, I continued to bow down to the little white square in my bathroom, seeing it as the key to my contentment and significance. Oh, how I prayed that it would one day display the magic number—a number that would tell me I had arrived. One that would say, “You are now one of the beautiful, the worthy, the victorious.”
MEET SABBY
    My obvious preoccupation with weight led to another obsession in my life: dieting. Any diet you can think of, I've probably tried. Anything the TGGs recommended, I did. I restricted carbs, and I went all carbs. I did liquids, and I did pills. I even did shots (injections, not tequila). Anything promising me that I could melt off the pounds.
    And I wasted so much money. I purchased videos, club memberships, mail-delivery food, motivational books, exercise devices of all kinds—you name it. I was desperate for answers and aching for weight-loss victory.
    I'd do okay for a while, even losing a few pounds here and there. But just as soon as my pants were a bit looser, a friend would talk me into “rewarding” myself. This friend's name is Saboteur, but I call her “Sabby.” She lives next door to Reflection and Trainer, and her advice—although sounding so good at first—usually left me defeated.
    SABBY : Oh, Teasi, you've had such a stressful day. You really should take the kids for ice cream.
    FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN : But, it's not on my diet. And I've been doing so well.
    SABBY : Girl, you know you can get right back on track tomorrow. Just go this time. You deserve it. Plus no one can live on that diet forever.
    FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN : I guess you're right. I can burn it off tomorrow.
    Sabby's advice always killed my efforts. The guilt of having blown it just once ignited